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Monday, September 10, 2007
a new hair cut, a new bag.. but no new beginning..
seems like that's always the case.. btw, to my dearest evofus, not gonna post my current pic until my hair grows a lil' better or more in shape... its way short la..
i tink everyone is facing the same thing.. the same stress.. struggles at different points of time in life... ups and downs we had to face... n we just can't complain of how all these are hammering us down.. cuz at the end of it, yes we will learn from it and be stronger.. a better person..
i had to use the word deadlog again, because it really is a deadlog... and even though quarrels are less frequent as compared to previous semesters, they are different now.. likelihood decreased, but impact increased.. so overall risk rating? Catastrophic.
i'm quite calm now.. at least no thunderstorms... but inside me, i guess the aches haf covered completely, that i seriously dunno where other exits can they find, to release themselves.. dunno if u uds what i'm talking about.. but nvm its my blog afterall.. i uds can le.. =) read her blog and once again, i felt like we are having roles interchanged. and this is definitely not a good thing... especially for a think-too-much me.. tired of repeating stories to ppl i wish to confide, ppl whom i wish to tell, ppl whom i wish to cry in and seek comfort... not seeking an avenue to complain.. cuz i really have nth to complain about... seriously... all that i can count, all that i can recall, its me at fault.. and i had to admit... u noe the kind of 心灰意冷feeling? ya.. as in, my heart's crying, but there's no tears coming out.. perhaps only at the brims.. but i'm not crying le... cuz i noe once i start to, i'd push myself towards the mentality that i've been wronged.. which shdnt' be the case.. its confusing.. yea confusing..
cherish. i just wana cherish u.. but is that really so difficult? i find myself lost in words... lost the words to explain, lost the words to comfort u, lost the words to try reviving all the mess...
after those nights, where i heard the truths embedded deep in u for so long... ur feelings finally stringed into words and laid right in front of me.. scold me.. i guess i will feel better... wanping, remember once we met up after so long, the moment we talked abt this issue, u said to me sth like can u please treat him better.. i was taken aback.. seriously at the point.. but i finally see the truth.. or perhaps i've known it a long long time, just that i refuse to admit.. i hadn't been a good company... a worthy partner.. i know it myself.. i can feel it... n i had to totally agree with all the remarks he made, because they just simply reflect the truth... don't scold me for not trying hard enuf, don't scold me for being the passive one.. don't scold me for being so bad.. no matter how much excuses i gif myself, how much guilt i feel inside, i just can't escape that statement..
自责有用吗.. perhaps the
outcome, is more important than the process this time.. or has it always been.
i really deserve to be trashed..
i'm ok.. =)
Written @ 9:57 PM
