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Wednesday, January 07, 2009
yeah! finally able to take some time out of my busy busy busy schedule and blog here!
sounds like i'm really a busy person.. cuz my frens are complaining that its difficult to get me.. true..i dun see why i'm as if so busy.. but i'm jus like all else, having jus 2 weekends of time to myself.. nope not true.. 2 weekends, but one is mostly dedicated to family and one to him.. or at least i try to make it a point to go out with kc once a week.. if not, i'll just combine family time and his tgt! =) but its hard to get others to understand.. aniwae, work has become so tiring that sometimes i rather just nuah at home for my pathetic 2 rest days and not do anything else.. lazing on the sofa, watching television.. hearing updates about my two sisters, my mum and dad, my baby nephew kayson..
btw, this is just gonna be such a random entry cuz i've so many things to say and i'm really lazy to segregate them into different entries...
ok yup.. yest in office, went to toilet to cry again.. ok its not like i cry all the time.. but i gotta admit, i'm weak at times.. and to tink about it, its really nothing worth tearing about.. but the weakling me jus '
loves' to cry.. i was chatting with kc and th online at the same time and it made me feel like crying even more..
its during office hours.. aniwae, for the first time, i sat side by side with a manager, to review my work.. no big deal right? after performing work, of cuz u nid somebody to mark ur work... but somehow this is a stage where most people fear.. cuz its when u get scoldings, dumb for words blah blah.. this manager is ok.. he's not very fierce.. in fact i'm not really afraid of this part cuz its onli during the review, u know what went wrong, what u should or should not do.. its a learning experience.. ~quoting th..
yup yup.. but the constant bombarding of questions and countless silence between me and him.. wahhh cannot stand that kind.. and just when i finish my review, and gotta amend before going in for a second round, i wanted to hear some nicey words, but i didn get them.. instead was a lil' shrubbed by u.. haiz. totally goner.. --> 我的心情.
i miss school life.. i miss walking around the school aimlessly, walking to the canteen to buy food and back to mug hard.. why isit so different when i walk briskly around in office just to get things done, walk out of office to buy food and back to do my work, but everything feels so heavy.. feels so reluctant.. its amazing how one's thots can run thru and change that fast.. u know, all the heavy, demoralising, loser thoughts were running down me while i was in the cubicle.. thinking is this my cup of tea but where do i really belong cuz every where out there seems equally scary.. i really did think through, banks, accounts, what else is there left.. friends are starting to tender.. 6 months.. doesn't seem like a long enuf period.. but for me, its been soooo long.. soo long in this firm.. yet its only 6 months. haiz. but quick enuf, my thots can zoom back into encouraging myself to work harder, seriously whats that difficult about audit.. i dun get sh*t jobs where ur seniors bitch around, clients scold and shrug u aside all the time, managers throwing files at ur heads.. i'm fortunate enough not to get these sh*t.. so jasmine ng why are u still complaining..
i'm starting to think if i really like audit.. past few weeks when i'm busy bee at client's place doing audit works.. i thought, actually audit is quite easy... u just need to overcome the fears of facing ur clients and not getting what u ask for.. resolve that and things will be done. but if i can actually have double feelings like now, i really gotta ask myself.. am i suitable for this..
kc kept joking every month, about the big sweep.. haha he always buys them instead of 4D or toto.. and each time whn the draw's coming, he will say " ok! i'm gonna prepare my res*g letter and throw at the person's face" haha... and he will say, we'll tender together ok. $2.2mil! dream on really.. i used to say.. but if one day really zhong! i oso won't tender.. at least still got income and i dun mind cont working.. jus that no nid to worry so much about money.. no nid to slog so hard..
but now, i'm really hoping he zhong today! (oo btw, today's the big sweep results!) haha and if possible, let's tender tgt.. haha.. weird me... always changing my stand.. but can somebody really understand how i feel about this? is it just a passing phase or am i gonna feel this from now on.. its been 6 months..
th said that we must stress ourselves up till the point whereby we really cannot cannot cannot take it liao.. den we'll hit the tolerance limit.. and thats when we know, its time to say byebye audit.. and thats when we know, we won't regret the decision of quitting..
ok.. enuf of these.. i'm using my lunch time to type this entry.. cuz its onli this time where no one's in office! =) okie.. i love my family, my friends and my best buddy boy.
Written @ 12:47 PM
