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Monday, January 02, 2012
Hi dear diary, i'm back here.. after a long long time.. spent last night and this morning reading through my past entries.. all the way from 2008, just before we started.. was trying to see the difference between how it used to be, and how it is now after we got together.. of course i didn't read finish.. i had the urge to blog an entry, before i forget all the good/bad emotions..
Wow.. what vast difference.. i was refering to myself.. the youthful, happy, cheery me vs the down, aunty, naggy, easily irritable me. BIG difference. i'm so glad i kept the blog, to make me reflect on myself and realise what have changed. read the entries posted when i started out working in ey.. read the part where you waited for me in office till 3am and sent me back. *touched* read the part we went shopping and i bought two pairs of slippers and a straw bag and we took pics at tcc *sweet*
have all these been erased? is it just me who have changed.. who learnt to expect too much and misssed those little things you did for me? in the past, i blogged about entries about you: being less loving and caring for me.. followed by all the sweet posts.. and some down posts.. and sweet posts again.. which means to say, it is not the first time i'm facing with all these problems.. but how is it that i was able to overcome it then, but not now? i should be able too isn't it? i'm miya ng.. i'm a sensible girl and sensitive enough to not make others around me unhappy.. but how come i'm always making ppl around me unhappy, including myself.. 振作一点..
i tried.. i really tried to continue think of the good side of things.. but when the unconcerned, uncaring you appear, i just crumble down.. i can't help it either.. sometimes i just wish you know all these, and will give me assurance.. but why is it that you never know how much how deep how hurt i feel..
these days i have been thinking.. should we just annul the wedding.. secretly.. a marriage is for life. if one party is not happy, forcing ourselves to be together.. isn't gonna help things..
i read my past entry: "even if things don't go well between us, we will always be best buddies for life, and nothing is going to change that.."and guess what, i can't say for sure if i still mean those words.. because i realised i lost my best buddy, the moment we got together..
i'm not being accusory.. i just hope you realise that, you have stopped putting in efforts, in making this relationship work.. you have been too comfortable i guess, that you think there is no problems in our relationship; yet i am crying at one corner. i don't know why this is happening. should i still try? should i hold on? i tried telling you things time and another, but it doesn't seem to help.. what should i do? i am not angry.. just 心灰意冷..
can someone just erase my memories?
Written @ 1:41 PM
