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The pillar of support
Speak● about ●your● story●


Thursday, February 02, 2012
Perhaps it's better that we don't talk on the phone every night? The harsh reality is that, no matter how happy or unhappy I feel, as in my mood and stuff.. U never seem to know.. And can't provide me with the comfort that u used to.. Our relationship seems to have taken the form of "informing" and "updating" each other of daily happenings.. U updating me.

The emotional support I need, that constant assurance I favour.. Seems gone.. I don't know how to tell u all these.. You might just think I'm picking on you, and immediately get upset with me.. Then we will be back to the struggle and quarrel of you-getting-upset-because-I-got-upset.. The vicious cycle.

Quite tired of always finding ways to express myself, tell you how i feel.. Did all these in the past because I don't want us to waste time guessing each other. I thought we could save alot of time being unhappy ourselves, by telling each other how we feel, so we don't need to guess, don't need to get hurt silently and waste more efforts and tears.. But gradually, I think it has began to work against me.. It takes two hands to clap.. If it's just one sided me talking, you will eventually think/feel that I'm picking on you.. But I am not.. So.. Is it better to try the suffer-in-silence method? We also save each other's time because I don't tell you what's going on in my mind.. You don't have to even think or worry.. I'll just bear everything. Conclusion : you happy, I unhappy. The former situation conclusion: I happy at the start, unhappy at the end, you not happy.

Which should be better for both of us? I'm so tired.. Now, even when I feel upset about other things and want to cry it out, I'm not even confident that you will be there for me.. I'm not sure if you will comfort me.. Why is this so...

This lost of faith and trust in you, makes me v scared.. Yet I don't dare to tell you.. I don't want you to think that I'm picking on you.. Many a time, I just wish to salvage.. But it probably appeared to you as me trying to make things difficult and start fights.. I feel so lonely.. That pillar support, that 24-7 number that I can always call.. Is no longer there.. I miss that pillar..

                                                                                                          
                                                                                                             Written @ 11:48 PM
When leaves fall the coming of Winter arrives
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to the ones i love
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