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Thursday, April 26, 2012
I'm at NUH now waiting for my turn to visit the gynae. Just a specialist visit to check on the UTI.. I contemplated v long whether I shd remind him about it.. I had mixed feelings.. Of cuz I very much wished he would be here... But he probably doesn't remember.. Half my mind tells me don't bother him w these.. He's too preoccupied w his dad so at least it's one thing lesser for him to worry.. The other half of my mind questions, even if he knows, will he be concerned? I'm just someone who needs this care and concern all the time.. Need to feel loved.. Not telling him that I'm not well, flu n cough n heavy heads, not telling him that I'm at hospital alone, perhaps reduces my expectations, minimize my disappointments.. I want to have a good talk w him.. Haven been feeling good for this whole week.. Think it just sparked off that weekend when u behaved like a stranger to me.. Not even someone close to me.. Or. Friend.. U jus saw me cry and get irritated, where has that comforting kc gone? Even if u dunno what to say, I tot the least u could feel towards me is heart stricken.. Feel sad that I'm so down, not confront me and put me down further for not talking.. At that point.. I felt like I was married to a stranger.. Someone who doesn't know me, and I dunno him.. That safe harbour he calls, that pillar of support he claims.. Not there anymore.. I know I can't ask for all these.. If they are not coming from u, I can't force them., I'm just upset how did things become like that... Where are all the sweet promises.. I'm thinking of the best way to put all these across.. I don't want to be unreasonably expecting a lot.. But if I were to just tolerate all these, I'll probably end up being a wooden block, unfeeling.. What should I say?

                                                                                                          
                                                                                                             Written @ 12:32 PM
When leaves fall the coming of Winter arrives
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welcome
memories, though short-lived, brings the best smiles to your life

=)

to the ones i love
keep smiling
keep breathing
keep laughing
and never look back